Pangs of guilt

Seems like I won't be getting this numbing feeling out of my head anytime soon.
 
Being 'talked to' by teachers or lecturers, or even anyone else who has an authority over me has never been an easy thing for me. No matter what they have to say, how well they mean those words to be... it always hurts. Try as I may to ignore it, I never can.
 
Funnily enough, I had no clue what was going on when Adam invited me into his room even though he said he was busy. Worse still, I noticed my lack of support when Tink disappeared from behind me only after I was inside. I never realised how much disappointment I could bring to him in just a few minutes. Acknowleging my own miserable performance in recent exams, admitting that I don't attend all his classes... but the worst thing I could have possibly done was to tell him that I only attended classes that I pay attention to.
 
My gawdddd... it's been over a day and I'm still unable to get rid of that guilty feeling. Did I mean what I said? I have no idea...maybe partly, but it certainly didn't come out in anyway I would have liked it to. And if it was bad for me, I wonder how it is for him. I'd like very much to tell him how sorry I am. Really really would like to... but will I? Apologies are never easy, mostly when you actually mean them. Well, if I do decide to, it'll be some time next week. Hopefully I'll get a chance to. Although I don't know what effect it has. This is one of those situations where I feel I've knocked the nail in deep, and even if I remove it, the hole will always remain.
 
Mood : Guilty as sin