....

I find that most of the times, I don't really have my to write about in here. After all, how sad can you seem, if your life revolves totally around an online game?

However today, a lot seemed to have happened. Even if it's still just my gaming life, I feel that this is something I would seriously like to remember ^_^.
But an update on my real life, I've gotten accepted by my 2nd company for a industrial training position. Although I've already accpeted a position with KPMG, it's still nice to know that EY has offered me a position to train with them.

For the past few days, I have been wondering. Am I still attracted to Zera? It's nothing to do with being attracted in real but obviously, it would help since he's my RO bf. I don't really spend that much time with him these days. Although I would say that it is because he's always leveling so seriously, and I don't want to disturb him as it might make him lose a life, I have to admit that it is also my fault. I don't have the net capable to keep up with him, and most of the time, being laggy, I hardly play my main characters that are more closely linked to him. But sometimes, he still makes my heart skip a beat. For instance, when he asked me to take a walk with him in GH yesterday night. It brings back some cute memories off how we used to sit together in Payon Caves with all the zombies around, or sit together in GH with other undead monsters ^_^
But, I miss a lot of things that we used to do together. He'd make me happy just by doing small little things like, when we're playing together and his cafe is closing, he'd rush off to find another cafe that was still open. It may not have anything to do with me but those days always kept a smile on my face.
And then, I think a lot changed when he came back to Malaysia. I have to admit to being extremely eager at the prospect of meeting my RO bf. He called me from the airport, we talked for a few minutes before he said he had to end the call. He was running low on credit rather quickly. After that, I think he may have tried to call me a couple of times but I wasn't carrying my handphone. And so, I waited eagerly for days, because he said he'd come down to KL (he's from Ipoh) on the day before he leaves. On the last day itself, not having heard from him, I guess I was very pissed and disappointed. I wanted to end our relationship and leave his guild, but I just acted as if nothing happened. Although I do admit that I was acting a little cold.
He told me that he tried contacting me a few times but to no avail. He's gf had 'kept him a prisoner' in Ipoh because he was only back for a few days and she didn't want him to spend a day in KL. I have to admit that sounded quite funny, but after that I realised that he was only an online bf, it's just a game. I have no rights to him at all. I t kind of taught me a lesson not to place hope on anything and anyone in the game, and enforced my belief that I should maintain the 2 lives seperately for the fear of getting hurt. I was also rather surprised to hear about the gf bit, I thought he was single. He may have been referring to his ex, or he may have a gf, until now, I haven't approached him on that subject. Personally, if I know for sure that he has a real gf, I wouldn't be his RO gf because it just doesn't seem right, it feels like I'm a 3rd party in between the 2 of them.

Anyway, since the incident, I guess I haven't really been too close to Calv... sometimes I want to sit down and talk with him but it doesn't really happen. The small, short periods that I do get to spend with him is still nice though. But today, when my friends ask me what he got me for Valentines, or when people ask about the marriage system, I really just don't know what to think or say about it. It seems like some of the other presents I got had more thought put into it... and marriage just doesn't seem to be the right idea. I doubt even Calv wants to propose in the first place.

So anyway, in the picture walks Jin. I think I've mentioned how we've met. Although I'm not too clear about the event myself. But recently we've been spending time together. I find him fascinating, and attracted to his (what he claimed to be) his 'bad boy' attitude. The attraction lies more to being highly intrigued by his wild life, so unlike mine in many ways. However, I always felt that he was someone I enjoyed talking to and when he told me about his life, I'd laugh over it. But had I been in the position of being a part of his life, it wouldn't be funny, it may be perhaps painful to live, especially in the context of his gfs. He had 3 of them, although only one of them was partly serious, simultaneously. And he even labelled one of them as not really a gf, just a 'f*ck buddy'. Hearing about it makes me so :-S or >.< but not really in a bad way. But I did pity his gfs.
Anyway, things went wrong, somehow something happened and his serious gf broke up with him, apparently she was cheating on him as well. Then he broke up with the other 2. And he was telling me about how he had to spend CNY alone, and later Valentines and his birthday as well (the day after Vday). I guess i kind of pitied him and really wanted to cheer him up. And so I concocted a plan for his birthday. I got his phone number from Scott and planned a surprise bday wish at 12am on his bday ^_^
Anyway, Valentines day, just before the day ended, I went to see him in GH. Zera had been MIA pretty much the entire day and I just felt like I needed his company. A lot of things had happened right before then which I might enter into the next entry but not here. Anyway, when I met him, I got a nice surprise =) 1 chocolate, 1 bouquet, and 1 romantic flower. I was thinking about rejecting the last one but it was valentines day and it just seemed like something that would make me really happy then. ^_^
Anyway, at 12pm, I was sitting next to him in GH, and I called him on the phone... I couldn't help it but giggle a lot especially since I was just asking him (in the game) about his birthday wished from friends, and he said he hadn't had any yet. He was so blur, hadn't a clue about what was going on, who this stranger was and why she was wishing him happy birthday, not saying anything much but a sudden 'Bye'. So he messaged me in the game telling me about it. All I said was... want me to do it again? And then he was like.... YOU??? LOL!!! That's was so funny.... he kept going 'Do it again..again...' but I didn't. Malulah...
I just wanted to be able to put a smile on his face, even if it's just for a short while, like he has done me so many times before. Anyway, he later spent about 2 hours making me a present, also for Valentines, and I have to admit.... it's like the sweetest present I ever got. It was a drawing and a poem. And recently, I guess I've just started developing feelings for him, despite my warnings to myself that he really is not my type at all (This is before today, so it has nothing to do with the present).
Then later, we were chatting together when we teased each other about how much he sayang me and all, and I him, which I wouldn't admit to doing. And then he told me not to jual mahal too much or else he might also (coz I said it first) get bored of me. So I told him, I partly wished for that to happen, hence the whole conversation about why and what is going on and other things.
Anyway, the deal goes, we both like each other, but we are aware of our differences, and that I do have an online bf. At first he said he would keep a distance, and I told him not to worry about it, but he later added it was not only for my sake but for his :-S Hmm, that was really thought provoking. We talked more later, and after quite awhile, he suddenly said he wouldn't stop and the only thing I could do was to bar my characters from his. I really didn't know how to react then. T_T I really didn't want to but my head kept going, breaking up with Calv is definately not an option, I wouldn't even allow the thought of it. So after a long period of silence, I just told him to go to sleep. I seriously planned to bar his chats at that time. But he later said, he would stop, just give him time. I think the part that surprised me most was how he was saying that he was not interested in us as in the gaming part, but more in a personal sense, after I used Calv n Moon as an excuse. But he refused to delve into the topic and I didn't really want to talk about it either. Anyway... I don't know, nothing's going on atm, I've sent him off to bed ^_^ I like his latest status on msn though, but I guess it doesn make me feel a bit uncomfortable, it goes 'Steal, steal everything oso steal. Stolen alreadylar!!...Happy now? Let's go punch that marine sphere then'. It's so cute, it's referring to the time we were in Byalan. I was using my sin and since I had him as my walking potion, I didn't worry about getting hurt so I used steal on every monster around lol. That's when he kept saying steal steal, everything oso steal. So I stood next to him and said ... its' not working, cannot steal from you. Then he asked what I wanted to steal and I replied his heart ^_^

I told Ozee about the incident but he seemed distant, didn't really have much comments, and was quick to leave me and went off to bed. I guess he really didn't want to hear any of it, so I'm really sorry about that. Furthermore, there's Moon. I was chatting with him on msn today and he admits to still liking me, but it was quite a light topic, didn't seem to have any meaning behind it. He told me how he worked hard to improve his English lol =) I guess it was really sweet of him, but it's still a bit hard to understand though ^_~ But overall, he has a very nice personality and would be a nice bf to some girl out there who can click with him. I also found out something new.... he has a status on for so long, in thai, and I finally asked him today what it meant. He told me it means 'I really like you'. And to my surprise, it was actually referring to me (I didn't have a clue because I didn't know thai at all, obviously, so I wouldn't have known the meaning, and I was pretty sure the status came out after we broke up). His new status states (I'm not sure if it's for me again or not but it might be) something about not being the one but at least he tried hard... Hmm, it has changed again and I don't really know the latest one since it's in thai again I think. Oh, and later in the game, he mentioned again that he still likes me and asked if we could get back together. I turned him down of course, he has a gf now and I have Calv. But it's was just a light thing, we were just fooling around =)

Alright, this has been a really long entry and I should have been finishing my assignment which I started at 10pm, and it's 7.15am atm. All I've completed are 2 paragraphs. It's going to be a long day ahead...
I better end here, I also want to write about kessy, neal and jack but since it has nothing to do with me, I'll put it into the next entry when I have the time to. ^_^