Filling an empty void

So how does one fill an empty void?

Ozee has left my life now... not entirely, but still, that's how I feel. Even while I'm sitting here, waiting for the moment he'd pop up on yahoo, eager to just spend a few hours of meaningless chatter with him... I feel lost and empty.
I spent so much of my relationship with him trying to avoid this moment and feeling. I didn't want to get too close to him because I feared the day he left me holding on for something that could never be. But now, I partly wish that I hadn't waste my time with him doing something as silly as that.

Anyway, it's been a day since he's left. This entire week, I'd been skipping so many classes in order to spend as much time as I can with him. After the Genting trip, I went out with him again on Wednesday. I went to class during the day, but after class, I rushed off to Alamanda to find him a parting present. That was an annoying trip, in a sense that I just couldn't get things right. In fact, a lot of my farewell present ideas didn't work out. For starters, I was going to get him a Manchester Utd cap. That was the main reason for my trip to Alamanda. I was in al-Ikhsan and they didn't sell it. The only suitable gift they had there was the jersey, which costed more than I was expecting to pay, but after thinking about it, I decided to get it. After withdrawing the money, they told me the only had size S. While standing and talking to the worker there, I has to restrain myself from 2 things... crying and strangling the last breath out of him.
Anyway, I bought the ingredients for the chicken I was going to cook for him to eat on the plane but I missed out the yoghurt so I couldn't make it... not that I had the time for it... So another part of the plan didn't work out. But I got his family's gifts, and his puppy. Oh, no love letter... but maybe some other time.

I came back after the trip and went over to his place. They (Omar, Shafiq & him) had an entire pigout day planned. Thankfully I only caught the final phase. Started the day in Mines, with Dave's Deli followed by Nando's. Went over to Shafiq's house next to meet his parents. Finished 2 large tubs of ice-cream there. Then they were supposed to go to F1, followed by Kayu's in SS2, Dinaz and pool. But they were too stuffed for the rest, and it was getting a bit too late. So I joined them only at their last destination, F1.
We had about 11 ppl eating there that night. The workers there even played Happy Birthday over the amp, my guess is they thought we were celebrating a birthday =D Shafiq brought along his video camera. They got some funny stuff on it. I can't wait to get hold of a copy of that....
Instead of pool, we played Taboo.... that was fun. But the entire game followed by a show of the video that had been taken so far went on till about 5 am. Ozee kept on saying, "I think it's getting kinda late". When we left, I questioned him on his intention to sleep which he used as an excuse to leave. He gave me that wicked smile thing... =) Anyway, we spent some time locked in the room together till we fell asleep.

We set the time for 9am but we only woke up around 9.50am... both of us slept through the alarms on our 2 handphones =D I changed and he got packed and we left for KLIA. We were actually kind of late. Omar, Shafiq, Ramon, Paik Yin, Ozee and I were in 1 car. Omar speeded all the way there, I think we got there in about 15 mins. At the airport while checking in, Ozee had to pay RM204 for overweight luggage =P I felt guilty for being partly responsible for that. I think my stuff played a role in it.
We ate in Burger King, and Ozee left 30 mins before his flight. He told me just today online that he delayed his flight for 10 mins =P But we had fun in our last few moments together. The gang gave him a cd which everyone signed. Ramon and his sis also got him a shirt.

Honestly, there's like so many little bit of the event to talk about. But ever since he left, I just lack the mood to really do anything. I cried a few times on and off while the guys were smoking outside KLIA. We got back around 1.55pm, so I rushed to class and was late by 15 mins. But I still went coz I needed to get myself busy.

Right now, it's past 1.45 am on Thursday, I'm waiting for him to come online. I saw him earlier in the afternoon, and he told me that he'd be on at 1 am. But looks like he's running a little late... or a lot. I think I might go to sleep soon. My story seems to be hanging... there's somemore to it, not really important stuff, but things that I did that day and today.

Mood : Sick, lonely, empty, lost... how many words whould I use??

Ending it all with a bang...

The end is near, just one day left.

His days are packed with things to do, people to meet and so on. I've also been taking up a lot of his time, as much as I can afford to without getting barred for skipping to many classes.
We spent a night in Genting. Left on Monday morning and came back yesterday around 4pm. Although our plans were to watch a couple of movies up there (coz it's cheaper), the selection was kinda bad and they also increased the prices. So we only watched one. We spent most of the time in the room.
It's weird, just at the end, we're only now finally beginning to know each other. I feel like I'm only getting to know him and at the same time, I've known him for years. Anyway, throughout the night, we just played around, played blackjack, watched tv...

We left Genting taking the 1pm bus. When we reached KL, we ate banana leaf rice for lunch. Just as we did on the day we left, at the same place. The guys there remembered us too =) Then he bought me a bag (my going away gift!!! Although he was supposed to get me a Punjabi suit, but there wasn't enough time =( ) So he bought me a sling bag instead, that I chose. And of course... I got 2 new hamsters! He wanted to get 1 black and 1 white hamster, but the only black hamsters there (panda hamsters) were really small, and I don't particularly like dwarf types. I wanted the bigger ones, like my Fatty! Those only came in whitish light brown or darker browns, so we took 1 dark brown, and one more light brown. The lighter one is older, its hair is longer and fluffier. The dark one's still young, with short fur. Their both supposed to be female... I hope there's no mistake. The younger one might be a bit harder to tell. Anyway, I haven't chosen a name for the light one yet. Ozee named the darker one Hanamichi. I can't even think of a short name for Hanamichi.... Michi? Chi??? CY wants to call the light one Fatty... =| I might be calling her MoonShadow, after my RO character. We'll see...

Anyway, by the time I got back, I was dead tired again. So I skipped another class...yet again. This time I skipped International Accounting. I hope I don't do badly this sem. I've got loads of classes, 4 subjects in a short sem!!! CY keeps on asking if I'm planning to drop AIS but then I think I'd rather try to keep myself busy. Anyway, I won't be having a bf for long so I might as well be doing something worthwhile. My class-skipping habit will only be for this week. After tomorrow, I'll try to be a little bit more serious in my work.

I haven't shopped for all Ozee things yet. I still plan to buy him a Manchester Utd cap, a magazine and some other stuff to cook a dish for him to take along. Aneeta agreed to take me out to Alamanda tonight to buy the stuff. Hopefully that works out, coz tonight will be the last chance I have to shop for him. Anyway, I bought all the other stuff already. I've packed some chocs and snacks for his family, 2 crystal bracelets and earrings for his mum and sis, a pair of sunglasses for his bro... It was funny how I dragged him to the stall in Mines and made him try on the glasses. Originally, I wanted to buy one for him. So he thought that it was going to be for him and when both of us couldn't decide on which pair to pick, I just told him, "Pick anyone, it's not for you anyway..." he just grabbed one and that's it!
Anyway, I feel hectic still....9 hours of classes today, skipped AIS (yes I skipped another). That's why I'm here now, when instead I should be sitting in class listening to Ah John.

Off to take a nap now. I've got to leave an hour before the next class so that I can donate blood before class. Goodnite!

Mood : Missing him terribly already. I saw his name on frienster yesterday, and I just felt the urge to leave him another testimonial. More I think about him, the more I miss him, even though he hasn't left yet. I love him...

Status : For auction... anyone willing to go higher than RM1.60?