Of recent Obsessions...

A shortage of will power is going to be the fall of me.

Just yesterday I was ever so eager to work hard for the coming exams. And today... well, let's just say it's a totally different situation.
I've had a sudden obsession over Neopets again recently. I'm not exactly addicted to their games but rather the thought of how rich would it take for me to be incredibly rich (as in by depending on interest alone, I could get anything I could possibly want). And is it possible to achieve it? Considering that I've been playing for over 8 years, it's surprising that I'm not at that level yet... It's still a nice thought though. Having anything you want... if only that can happen in real life.
But the problem is that's really pretty much the only thing I did today. Play Neopets! I wonder what happened to my energetic studying spirit from yesterday? I think the library has a certain effect on me... I should probably make another trip back there soon.

Another obsession of mine is the idea of having my own digital camera. Now this came aabout only recently. It started when I came across a 'fotopage' link sent by a friend. Fotopages is a website for photo blogging. The idea is to blog, but with the use of loads of photos. For the moment, due to the lack of a certain appliance, it would be impossible for me to have such a page although I would love to.
So what would happen to this page then? Hmm... personally, I find this page a rather good place to let out my daily event, feelings and thoughts. It's a rather personal site, with only 1 friend aware of its existance. The fotopage would be a great output for events I'd like to share. Opening an account with my friends where we can all gather our memories together for future reference seems like a nice idea. So hopefully, I'll get to have both.

Oh, I collected my King Arthur contest prize today. Along with the organizer, I got 2 movie tickets!!! YEAY!!! Looks like I'll be looking forward to a movie date with my love sometime soon. The heck with the exams... A girl needs an occasional break, right? =D

Mood : Busy (it's late but I'm gonna try to make up for today's lack of work... so I'm rushing to get everything done)

Lib Trip

It's been ages since I last spent my day slogging away in the library.

Although technically, I wasn't really there the entire day, because I had been in class most of the time too. But still, I can't help but recalled the early university days when I spent my time in the library when exam period was near. I would even suffer running through the heavy rain just to get there, and sat in the library shivering in the cold which was 100 times worst after walking through the storm.
When my boyfriend stayed on campus, I used to drag him with me there to study. I think it did us both good. I dragged him because he isn't much of a studier and I wanted him to hit the books more. And by doing so, I ended up studying more as well. Maybe that's the reason why my grades back then were much higher than they are now.
Although I still manage studying at home, my focus and concentration isn't very good here. The computer next to me isn't helping at all. Generally, I enjoy taking breaks from studying, and it's quite good for me as it keeps me fresh. But it becomes a problem when my breaks are longer than my study periods.

So anyway, I was in the library today in between classes and after class as well. I have to admit that I managed to cover more today than I did over the last 3/4 days studying at home. I'm even considering going back there tonight or tomorrow morning. I think I'll try to make an effort this semester to see if I can actually pull my grades upwards instead of its constant downward slope. I'm just happy that so far it's only been sliding down slowly. Gradually but slowly. I'm hoping to give it a boost... all I have to do is just try a little harder. But even that seems like a major task. But I guess you'll never know till you try.

Mood : Eager to dig my nose back into the books!!! Really? Noooooo... I could use a nap now, maybe after my nap =P

Mood Swings

I hate it when I have to put up with mood swings.

This morning, I had to face one. I had no idea what hit Ayana but she refused to reply to anything I say or she sometimes responded with grunts. I don't even think it was due to something I did... or maybe it was, I just don't know what it was. But I usually think it's probably something to do with her boyfriend since she can never stop complaining about something he did or did not do. But fortunately, as the day progressed, her mood swings passed...
After today, I started wondering. She's been having mood swings for quite awhile now. Is this typical for her? Or has this been mroe frequent only recently? I can't particularly tell... I mean, sure I've been her roommate for the whole of last year. But back then, we were hardly in the room except to sleep so there's not much to say. And when we were in the hall with our pcs, we were sitting on the opposite ends of the room. So it is possible that I don't really know her that well despite being her roommate.

Anyway, 3 things brightened up my day today.
Firstly, Selvan's getting married!!! Yeay!!! I'm so happy for him and his fiance... Met her only once but she's really sweet. And I can't believe it, because Jane and I used to tease him so much about this. He was always really shy about it. And it really was really hard to tell but he was a very conservative person. He even objected to holding hands in public... hahahaha... it was really quite fun to tease him. I doubt I'd be attending his wedding though. It's so far! All the way in Kuantan... =(

I also found out just this morning when I had to clean up the junk mail from my mailbox that I'd won another contest from the Star website. I can't even remember what I won from them the last time. It was such a long time ago. Oh well, this time I got an organizer (worth RM150 apparently, probably all hype) under a contest for King Arthur. I find this extremely ironic. When I saw the contest, it only required a person to send online postcards to friends or acquaintances. And each person was only allowed to send 1. I was thinking how impossible it was to win anything like this because it depends entirely on luck... but here I am. Winner of a brand new organizer!!! =P I had sent a postcard to ozee because he had commented on the outfit Keira Knightley was wearing during the movie where he claimed he could see her boobs... ISH!!! Idiot!

Oh, and lastly, I went back to the small little sale carnival going on in central plaza again. Today was supposed to be the last day. I'm glad I went. Although I was supposed to be on a budget...damnit, I can never quite control myself. But I bought 3 new clothes, 2 tops n 1 shorts. I can't help it... they were having a last day sale and some outfits were only 5 bucks each =(

So all in all, wasn't too bad a day. I've got plans to hit the books tonight (actually, I'm supposed to start of now but I'd rather sleep after this) and a dinner date with ozee. I've decided to spend more time with him even if it's just a simple meal.

Mood : Sleepy *yawn* I think I sleep more during exam periods =P

 

Shopping Carnival

MMU's very own part of the Malaysian Carnival Sale is in Central Plaza...

What's the point of having these sales when we're all stuck so far away from it all I wonder? Discounts and bargains everywhere... shopoholics like me tend to get all tingled up during this season. Unfortunately, both the Government and MMU have decided to team up on a conspiracy against us students here. Every Mega Sale is 'strategically' timed to start just before our final exams starts and ends just before our exams end!!!

Thankfully, this time, FOM's decided to organize a small little shopping carnival for us miserable little people stuck here. Not bad too I might add. I'm not too proud of it (still feeling the guilt) but I'm happy to have spent almost 50 bucks today on miscellaneous items =P. 3 tops, 3 pairs of earrings and 2 bags to add onto my pile of 'stuff that I want but may never use'.

I can never really understand what is it about all this shopping that drives me into a frenzy sometimes... most of the times, I even forget about budgetting and dive straight into my wallet to obtain items that may be of no use to me. Or maybe they can be of use (I have to try to convince myself that rite?) but I hardly end up using them. But I really do get a kick out of shopping... there's a certain sense of euphoria whenever I see some item (usually clothes) that looks nice and (reasonably, I hope) cheap that I can rightfully claim as my very own!

I am now a proud owner of enough clothes to fit 2 closets, a box full of items I just had to have but could never actually wear (mainly because those items are clothings that my mom would just cringe at and maybe even disown me if she ever saw me wearing them), and a lot more.
And yet... I'm also typically one of those girls who complain almost everyday that they have absolutely nothing to wear!

Heck, I have no intention to change my shopping habits anytime soon. But I guess I got to... I can't expect my dad to pay my bills for the rest of my life can I? =P Although that seems like a rather nice thought... hmmm...
I promise to grow up... some day... probably later than sooner...

Mood : Sick & tired of being sick (Caught a cold and runny nose this time... is it just me or am I falling sick a lot these days? )

Shattered perceptions

Sometimes I think that perhaps wondering or thinking too much about things make situations worse.

I don't usually have any doubts about my relationships. Generally, my boyfriend can go out with anyone for all I care... mainly because I trust him and have never doubted his faithfulness.
But recently, I begin to have more doubts.
I think it started off the last time he had an arrangement to meet a girl who told him to catch up with her before he left to go back home. So they did... He told me about it and even asked for my permission before doing so. And truth be told, I didn't really care.
But on that day itself, my friends kept asking me why didn't I care. It made me wonder a little. To an effect that I even thought, is it possible that I don't care enough about him to be bothered about this? I know for a fact that I am a jealous person, a lot of small things can make me green even if those things are silly. So much so that I avoid letting it show anymore because I feel that it makes me seem silly and petty to a crazy point. It was true that his outing didn't bother me at first. But by the time evening came, and he wasn't even back yet, I began to wonder. I've always complained that I could never really communicate with someone like him... is it possible for him to find someone who could? When he finally got back and told me his story, which he described it as a boring day with nothing done, I felt a bit suspicious about it all. Considering how long he was gone, was it really true? But I totally ignore the entire event after that.

Today came to me as another big shock. I got a call out of the blue in the afternoon. From him. He told me that he'd been out today. Felt really bored and stuffy, so he just had to go out. Took the ERL to MidValley, watched a movie and bumped into a girl he knew after the show. She treated him to lunch in Pizza Hut. And then suddenly, another friend, a common friend, saw him with her and gave him the look which said, I never expected that from you. He got all worried and guilty and called me straight away.
I laughed at the whole event. Even teased him about it. I didn't feel bothered about it. But later, I noticed that I had 4 missed calls on my hp. Wow... had he been that guilty? The day went on and on. Nothing interesting happened. But at night when I finally logged on to use the net and chat, I messaged him and teased him, too tired from your little fling today? He's usually sleeping if I don't get a reply from him. No reply... after awhile of surfing, not really having anyone to talk to, I started having all those weird thoughts in my head again.
The more I got a chance to think about it, the more the entire situation made me curious... is it ever possible for him to cheat on me? A lot of evidance point towards no... considering that he hardly ever goes out anywhere without me or his guy friends. But I can't help but wonder about the possibility. I feel like I'm beginning to trust him less and less.
He later messaged me saying that he was asleep when I messaged, relieved as I was to finally hear from him (I needed a break from all those silly thoughts), I can't help but think about my opening message for him. And now... all this stupid things flowing through my head are coming out here.

I've enough about talking about all these. Writing about it forces me to think about it more, and I think it's better to stick to my heart than my head. After all, my instant reactions always tell me that I trust him... it's only when using my head that I began to doubt.

Mood : Half moody, half tired... I'm chatting with him now but he doesn't seem to be making me any happier

Lesson : Don't joke/tease about something you're not prepared to accept. If the joke falls flat, you may be the only one left flat on your face