New jeans!

Not a very good title nor important topic I'm afraid.
 
But I can't help being excited over the idea of finally putting to work something I've always wanted to do. It obviously has something to do with having a new pair of jeans... hence the title. So what was it that I'm so excited about?
I love doodling some designs over pieces of paper. Usually my textbooks or lecture notes because that is usually the time I tend to doodle most (typically out of boredom). I've been doing this for ages now, and it has generated some nice comments, even from artsy students.  Well, I usually throw away those drawings but I've always wanted to draw up a nice design on a pair of jeans... but the prices of jeans these days!!! I can't imagine the idea of paying RM80 for a new pair of jeans and drawing something on it especially if I have no confidance  in myself since I draw freehand. I wouldn't want to pay all that cash on something I might just decide to trash. And somehow, I don't ever have a suitable old pair to do it on.
So obviously, when I found this nice pair of jeans for only 10 bucks, I wasn't going to miss this opportunity (who cares if it was 2 sizes too small =P) It might seem like a waste of money but I never really got a chance to do it, and 10 bucks seems to make it worth a shot. So far...I'm loving my new jeans although it's not completely ready. I can't wait to finish it and maybe take a picture of it... hahahah. I know it's silly... if i decide to trash it, I'll delete this entry and make it just one of those things I pretended never happened =D
 
That's just pretty typical of me. But I really hope this jeans works out fine!
 
Mood : Lalalala... I'm very very happy!

Greatest romance novel ever...???

Among one of my favourite books ever is Gone With the Wind, hailed by some as the greatest romance novel.
 
But what drew me to it? Was it the the imagination of being swept off my feet by the charming Rhett Butler?
Not a chance... sure, you could call it romantic, but romantic stuff don't catch my fancy that easily. I'm more of a skeptic than ever. What actually caught my atention in the book was how it led my to wonder for days...'What if???' What if Scarlett knew how Rhett truly felt, or vice versa for that matter? What if everyone told each other about how much the other party truly meant to themselves, rather than bottling up their feelings, worried for the sake of pride? Would a lot of things really be different then?
A lot of times, I wonder... what if? It doesn't really make me one of those people who constantly clings on only to the past. I'm much more of a present kind of person...living for the moment. I just happen to believe that if we open our eyes more, we wouldn't be asking as many 'what ifs...'.
To me, people are generally good. Perhaps considered less so if they fail to broaden their perceptions, and fail to see what they could and should do to be nice. Mostly, when they see something nice they can do, they will do it but if they don't realise that it was something they could do to help, they just wouldn't. Hence, their actions may be considered selfish even if ignorance described them better.
 
The reason behind all this talk, was actually the shock behind how different our minds read the situation over the 'Adam incident', when I read Tink's recent entry. It made me wonder if I really was selfish, thinking only about how pitiful I was in the room, or was it ignorance, not even thinking about how Tink might have felt? I know my perceptions tend to be narrow at times. Advice about stepping in other people's shoes have often been given, but how often do we actually make an effort to do that? Is it natural for some people to constantly view situations in the eyes of others? Or is it something that takes tremendous, conscious effort? It's hard for me, because I only stop to think usually when it is too late to do anything. My mouth certainly reacts faster thaan my brains most of the time.
I'll just have to try harder I guess... hmm... I wonder, what if Adam had called us both in that day?
 
Mood : pensive

Lightbulb!!!

Thinking of you...
 
I've been thinking about doing something recently. I don't know if I should, and I doubt I will, but I'd still like to know if it's a stupid idea... *hint hint*
 
I used to think about this quite often. Whenever I felt happy, lovey dovey or sometimes angry and frustrated at my boyfriend. I'd feel like there are things that I'd like to say to him. About how I felt, what I loved about him, what he does to make me feel sad... and a whole lot more. But I often don't. I told myself, it'd be something I'd love to tell him sometime in the future. When I wasn't going to get all red and emberessed about it, or break out and cry if he hurt my feelings.
So what I wanted to do was to write them all down. Not just anywhere, but on long strips of fancy paper. I'd say what I wanted to say, and maybe state the date. Then I'd fold it up into little stars, and throw them all into a bottle. You know... like those little decoration bottles. And then when he leaves, I would give it to him. Whether or not he actually discovers the hidden messages would be left completely up to fate =)
 
Is it really a stupid idea? I don't know...I often have a lot of weird ideas popping in and out of my head. Often, they don't sound really stupid until I think back about it some time after. So I don't know... maybe one day I'll look back at this entry and think, gosh, what was I thinking??? But right now I want to know what others think about it.
 
Mood : Quite happy (chatting to friends about shopping always gets me this way =P)

Pangs of guilt

Seems like I won't be getting this numbing feeling out of my head anytime soon.
 
Being 'talked to' by teachers or lecturers, or even anyone else who has an authority over me has never been an easy thing for me. No matter what they have to say, how well they mean those words to be... it always hurts. Try as I may to ignore it, I never can.
 
Funnily enough, I had no clue what was going on when Adam invited me into his room even though he said he was busy. Worse still, I noticed my lack of support when Tink disappeared from behind me only after I was inside. I never realised how much disappointment I could bring to him in just a few minutes. Acknowleging my own miserable performance in recent exams, admitting that I don't attend all his classes... but the worst thing I could have possibly done was to tell him that I only attended classes that I pay attention to.
 
My gawdddd... it's been over a day and I'm still unable to get rid of that guilty feeling. Did I mean what I said? I have no idea...maybe partly, but it certainly didn't come out in anyway I would have liked it to. And if it was bad for me, I wonder how it is for him. I'd like very much to tell him how sorry I am. Really really would like to... but will I? Apologies are never easy, mostly when you actually mean them. Well, if I do decide to, it'll be some time next week. Hopefully I'll get a chance to. Although I don't know what effect it has. This is one of those situations where I feel I've knocked the nail in deep, and even if I remove it, the hole will always remain.
 
Mood : Guilty as sin


 

Ideas

My mind's traveling in circles on ideas that I can use to play with this blog. What should I do??? There are so many interesting things that I feel would be nice to throw into my entries... from poems to quotes, my yahoo! status to mood describers.
So what shall I do? Put too much effort in this and it might end up just a remnant of the past pretty soon (never have been one to put too much effort for long, always ran out of steam). For now I'll just add something I've always wanted to do...
Maybe next time I'll play around a little more...


Mood : A little excited but quite self-conscious (Tinkerb3ll's fault!!!)
Thinking about : assignments & blogging

Bubbles....

Have you ever wondered about how the life isn't always as you see it.

I've always taken pride in my ignorance, living in what I called my very own little bubble... problem is, bubbles aren't meant to be very protective and have a tendency to pop in times when u least expect it.
My first major 'pop' was when I was about 18. A friend of mine tried to kill herself with an overdose of pills. Thing is, I don't usually face situations like these in life. I love being in my bubble. I can see the world outside, that's certain... I know it happens to people... who know people. That sort of thing, but it's not something I'd expect from one of my friends. She was fine soon after, but it left me hanging around outside my bubble for awhile right after.
I realised that I don't really want to be outside... I keep hearing more and more of situations like these happening around me... being so near. But then no matter what, the situation don't really have a direct influence on me. Perhaps my bubble refuses to burst out like it did before?

It seems to me that I'm blissfully ignorant. It may seem mean to ignore the harsh realities of the world but I like it in my bubble where it's safe. I don't ever plan to leave my little realm if fate permits...

The first step...

I'm getting way too stressed out with work and assignments. Perhaps to release it all, I could just express my annoyance here without having to say them to the people around me. For god's sake... I wish everyone would just buck up and do their part of the work without questioning me about everything. And do them on time!!! I'm tired and I don't even feel like doing any work anymore.
I can't wait for tomorrow... a date in MidValley would help me get all the anxiety out of my system... or perhaps make things worse if I really can't get any tickets for the fully booked King Arthur movie. Oh well, we'll see how it is tomorrow. For now it's back to work...